In my last two posts I have set out the way someone who is divorced might “remarry” (make Christian promises to another believing Christian) at Holy Trinity. In this post I’ll set out the teaching of Jesus from Mark’s gospel chapters 9:42 – 10:34 which underlies this practice. In these chapters the over-riding concern of Jesus is the kingdom of God and how sinners (those who break God’s law) get there.
In Mark 9:42 -10:34, Jesus teaches different groups of people in five different settings. These settings all work together like scenes in a film. Each scene adds to the plot and we only make sense of all five when we get to the last scene.
Jesus starts by teaching his disciples about the seriousness of sin and the reality of hell. His teaching here is quite disturbing. It is meant to be. Jesus says “it would be better to cut off your hand, foot or gouge out your eyes, if they caused you to sin” because if you sin you cannot enter the Kingdom of God. And, if you can’t enter the Kingdom of God then the alternative is hell and no one wants to go there.
In the next scene, the religious teachers of Jesus’ day try to trick him. They ask if divorce is allowed by the law. Jesus replies with a question, asking the religious teachers what Moses taught. Now, Moses taught two things. When the people of Israel first escaped from Egypt by God’s power and might, God gave Moses the ten commandments where God says clearly, “do not commit adultery”. But, God’s people made an instant mess of things by disobeying the first and second commandments “I am the Lord your God you shall not worship any other gods or make idols”. So, God disciplined them by making them spend 40 years in the wilderness. At the end of their 40 years of wandering, Moses taught them second law, and in Deuteronomy 24.1, he said that a man is allowed to divorce his wife. This was a relaxation of God’s commandments.
In answer to Jesus’ question, the religious leaders quoted the second law. In practice, at that time, they supported a liberal attitude to marriage and divorce. But Jesus gave the religious leaders an answer to their question that they did not want to hear; “Moses allowed you to divorce because your hearts are hard.” According to Jesus, people divorce because they are hard hearted. Hard hearts lead to uncaring, sinful behaviour, which leads to marriage breakdown.
Jesus then reminded the religious leaders that God’s standard for marriage which is one man and one woman for life, quoted from Genesis 2. And then, when he was alone with his disciples, Jesus told them that anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. Adultery is breaking God’s first law, and breaking the law is sin. Anyone who has had more than one marriage partner is an adulterer in God’s eyes according to the law and Jesus says that they cannot enter the kingdom of God, he or she will end up in hell. The answer to the Pharisees question, “is it lawful”, is “no it is not lawful.”
At this point, church tradition has held that remarriage is sinful, a breach of God’s law, and therefore no-one should remarry. The problem with this ruling is that we need to go on reading Mark’s gospel. We’ve not reached the end of the film. What Jesus teaches his disciples after his discussion with the religious leaders was not really about divorce per se, but about the law and how people get into the Kingdom of God. The religious leaders were strict on religious laws, like having clean hands and following religious traditions, as they thought that by doing these circus tricks that God would accept them into his kingdom. But the religious teachers were relaxed about some moral laws, because they couldn’t keep them. As Jesus said, their hearts were hard. They thought they would get into God’s kingdom, but they couldn’t get there by keeping the law, as Jesus goes onto teach on the next few scenes.
In this next scene, Jesus gives his disciples a furious telling off. He was indignant because his disciples were stopping kids from coming to him. Jesus said “to such as these belongs the Kingdom of God” and “you must receive the Kingdom of God like a child or you will not enter it.”
Here’s the contrast between the religious teachers and Jesus. For the Pharisees, life is all about laws. Do this and you’ll get into the Kingdom of God, don’t to that or you’ll go to hell. Jesus says the kingdom of God is a gift which is received with soft, child-like hearts full of the grace of God and love for Jesus, trust in him and obedience to him.
Jesus makes a second point in this scene; Christian ministers, who are disciples of Christ, or any other disciple of Christ for that matter, must never stop people from coming to Jesus by making up rules. Telling people that their past sin stops them from remarrying because it their past makes them adulterer in the present, is legalistic and so puts obstacles in the way of people coming to Jesus.
And, this is still not the end of the story. Christians are not to condone sin but resist it. A divorcee, or anyone with a second sexual partner, is committing adultery and therefore cannot enter the kingdom of God and will go to hell. So, what are we to do?
In the next scene, a rich young man runs up to Jesus, desperate to know what he must do to inherit eternal life. He knows Jesus has the answer.
Jesus tells him that the 10 commandments still stand. The law of God given in Exodus is the way God wants us to live. The man says he has kept all these laws. So Jesus loves him and says, “good going Son, now, go and do some more good; sell all your stuff and give the money to the poor.”
The point Jesus is making here is that it is not possible to do anything to enter the Kingdom of God, because God’s standards are unattainable. God is so holy, so righteous, so self-less, so loving, so kind, that we can never match his standards and so it is impossible to get into the kingdom of God by doing good. It is easier for a camel (the biggest animal in the middle east to go through the eye of a needle (the smallest physical hole in the middle east), than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. The disciples can’t take this in, “how can anyone be saved from hell, Jesus? Tell us!”
Jesus’ reply is amazing. It is truly good news. He says it is not possible to enter the kingdom of God by keeping the law, but it is possible for God to get people to heaven. And we get there by following Jesus. His disciples were following him and he said, “you’ll get to the kingdom by following me.”
How do people follow Jesus? How does God make it possible for people to receive eternal life like little children? The answer is in verses 32-34. Jesus said: Mark 10:33-34
“See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will condemn him to death and deliver him over to the Gentiles. And they will mock him and spit on him, and flog him and kill him. And after three days he will rise.”
Jesus knew what his mission was. The final scene of our film reveals the plot. He was going to die for our sin, which is breaking the law, including the law on adultery, and rise again. He is the way to the Kingdom of God. He died to take away the sins of the world. And following Jesus means looking at him as Saviour, just believing that he is the one who saves us from hell, the one who opens the kingdom of God for all sinners. And following him means listening to his teaching, living for the sake of others not for ourselves. It means keeping God’s ten commandments and doing much more, not in order to get to heaven but because we’re going the way of Jesus, to the cross.
The great news of the death of Jesus for sin is that anyone who comes to him for the first time has all his or her sin cleansed, forgiven, washed away, nailed to the cross. The law is not an obstacle to salvation. Those who turn to Christ like a child cannot be adulterers because he has made them brand new. Each new believer has a new status before God. Justified. God makes people new, gives us a fresh start, wipes the slate clean when we turn to him. And that is why I will “marry” some divorcees after a divorce if they have received the Kingdom of God like a child and now follow Christ with their heart.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Would you remarry two divorced Christians?
With thanks and anticipation,
Hi Johnny, welcome to TG.
It’s a good question. The apostle Paul addresses this issue for Christian believers in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, where sexual ethics in the Christian community were clearly wanting:
To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
This command reflects the Christian’s ministry of reconciliation 2 Cor 5:18-19 and puts a stop to easy divorce and quick remarriage, Jordan and Pete Andre style.
The question you asked, as I understand it, is: does this command prohibit all remarriage of Christians who believed before their divorce? The Roman Catholic church has taken this line. Do you have a view on this?
Neil
What about those who were deserted by their spouses who later remarried? Does it mean that if they marry they will be “committing adultery and therefore cannot enter the kingdom of God and will go to hell”? Is forced celibacy and burning with passion the only option for divorcees? No reconciliation is possible if your ex is remarried, isn’t it?
Thank you.
Hi Yngvar, welcome to TG and thank you for your question. I had hoped that the post made it clear that Jesus’ own answer to hell and remarriage at this point in Mark’s gospel is that it is that it is not possible for anyone to get to heaven by what we do. The remarriage question in Mark 9 and 10 is essentially a question about the function of the law. Does the law permit remarriage or not? Jesus says “yes, because of your hard hearts and no because God designed men and women for fidelity” so remarriage breaks the law. Divorce, like all other sin, which is law breaking happens, condemns us and so the law cannot save us. The question a deserted spouse should ask is not “will remarriage condemn me to hell” but “am I trusting in Christ and following him on the road to the cross.” We are not judged by our ability to keep the law but our attitude to Christ as Saviour and Lord.
Neil, thank you. Good point indeed. I have read hundreds of articles on the subject, but they mostly deal with theology and, of course, disagree with each other. And this is a totally different perspective. Now let me try to make my question more clear then.
Suppose a trully born-again Christian (a minister), who trusts Jesus for his salvation, but divorced years ago and unable either to reconcile to his ex (she got married) or to control himself, enters another marriage with a Christian woman who, actually, is exactly in the same situation. Will they put their eternal salvation at stake since their marriage might be “continuous adultery” (the Bible, unfortunately, is not very clear on the issue – that is why there are so many contradicting opinions)? We are unable to keep the law, that’s true, but we also know that “nor adulterers… shall inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6:9-10), believers or not. What would be your opinion on that? It’s a very important question for me. Thank you.
I would just like to point out that in the words of Christ, we are ALL adulterers… whoever even looks with lust at another person has committed adultery already in their heart with that person.. therefore.. I do not see where Christ separates the two – physical vs mental. Also, whoever breaks just one law is guilty of breaking them ALL. In that case, if we believe that NO adulterer will enter the kingdom of God…then we are ALL hopeless.. however, I believe that the blood of Jesus is more powerful and if we have truly repented of our sin and put our faith and trust in HIM alone to save us, then there is NOTHING that can separate us from the LOVE OF GOD!
Hi Yngvar, I understand the question is what if a born again believer who was married after being born again is divorced, can she remarry?
I’ve done some thinking on this and will reply as soon as I can (I’ve been on my day off today and my kids were off school because of the snow so I’ve been spending time with them).
Until later
Neil
Thanks a lot, Neil. Yes, that’s exactly my question: a brother, who got married and then deserted by his wife (who later remarried). Do you agree with David J. Engelsma (http://www.prca.org/current/Marriage/Pages%201-58.htm#Chapter%206)?
Hi Yngvar, thanks for the link. I’ll have a read of Engelsma and let you know.
The answer to remarriage of those who were Christians at the time of their marriage is much more complex than those who have come to faith since their divorce. I am sure that what we do cannot condemn us, as we are justification by faith in Christ without works. The question of remarriage must therefore be; “what leads to my sanctification on earth and therefore glorifies God?” That’s a hard question. I might not have even a tentative answer before the end of the week.
Neil
Neil–I may have missed it but I am not sure I see a response to the question of “continuous adultery.” God will forgive past sins but will not condone a lifestyle of sin. Correct? So the question is: Is divorce remarriage a state of continuous adultery? I am interested in this topic because I (with a heart of stone) divorced my wife, remarried, and was then drawn to the saving grace of Christ. I fear my lifestyle is one of sin. –Randy
Hi Randy, welcome to transforming grace. I’ve been working on 1 Corinthians 6 and 7 since Yngvcr asked the question last week.
However, as you were drawn to the saving work of Christ after your divorce and remarriage, I cannot see how your case is “continuous adultery”. You are now a new creation, the old has gone the new has come. At the time you put your faith in Christ for the forgiveness of all sins, you were declared righteous in God’s eyes. You cannot be an adulterer if you are a new creation.
The question I am still thinking through is whether the person who was regenerate, born again, before his divorce, commits adultery by remarrying.
I’m still reading and thinking and will post in the near future.
Neil
Thanks, Neil. I believe you addressed my question through a sub-question I have wondered about and which is “Can a person who is regenerated be held accountable for his present situation that was entered into prior to regeneration. I have had one person tell me my current situation is an indication that I am not regenerated and that I should divorce my current wife immediately. But this seems to throw the discussion back to works which you so effectively countered in your answer. Many thanks! –Randy
Please do not let this author deceive you. You are living in a continuous state of adultery, and moreover, he never answered you. If you were committing any other act of sexual immorality -and continued to do it -being a new creation in Christ would not absolve you of your need to stop and repent. Thus, if the point is that your new wife isn’t your wife in God’s eyes and you have no right to have sex with each other, then you have no right to that. Think of this way, if you were living with any other “non wife” say, a girlfriend before you came to Christ, becoming new wouldn’t mean you get to keep living together.
Just a quick response to SB – I found John Piper’s sermons on divorce & re-marriage (at desiringgod.org) helpful on this issue. Piper does not believe remarriage should occur unless a spouse has dies, but he points out (to all in his congregation who have been divorced & remarried) the immense importance, in God’s eyes, of the marriage vow – any vow, in fact, that is made before God (this concept is strongly upheld in scripture). He calls for repentence of adultery that may have led to the remarriage, and then a consecration of that marriage to God. They are definitely sermons worth listening to.
And Randy – I agree that it is ESSENTIAL to know you’re washed clean of all past sin. I also think of Paul’s words regarding marriage in 1 Cor 7:20: “Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him” and tend to think this is an important point for you.
Dear SH, thank you for your helpful comment. I think we must put this subject in the context of mission and glorifying Christ. We too easily make the decision one between being remarried or not, being with someone or not, thinking about our own happiness. Paul is urging all Christians to urgent mission and so this is a choice about not wasting life but doing all things for the glory of God in self-denying sacrifce. Neil
Shawna,
you need to work this out with God for yourself, but I believe that God’s word teaches that we should remain as we are when we come to Christ. If you are still legally married and there is any hope of reconciliation, then you would have to decide whether this was appropriate, using the guidance of 1 Corinthians 7, which says that the believer should stay with the unbeliever if the unbeliever is happy to do so. Being single is not a bad thing, but I do believe the word of God allows for a new start if you are single at the time of conversion, whether divorced, never married, or widowed, based on verses 8 and 9 which say that the unmarried should marry if it helps them to serve God with less of a temptation to impurity.
My email is vonny63@googlemail.com and I have a blog, too. I would like to email you also.
God bless,
Yvonne
This is a very emotive issue divorce and re-marriage for believers. The word is clear that if a person is divorced before they are born again into the Kingdom of God the ‘slate’ is wiped clean, they are forgiven however there are several issues in the body of Christ. It used to be a consisitent teaching that if a born again believer was having major marital problems divorce was not the easy option it is today and so numerous steps would be taken to restore the marriage and clear teaching happened on this topic. Now if my friend told me her husband was beating her I would advise her to leave the house ( come and stay with me if necessry!!!!) but even then reconciling would not be impossible if he then took steps to deal with the root of his behaviour and they went through restoration etc. If this was not possible and the marriage ended my understanding of scripture would be that my friend should remain single… that is hard to accept but this is scriptural a major problem is that we the church have been ‘modernised’ by secular society so that we have watered down the word. Divorce will not send my friend to hell but divorce is a sin according to scripture and we must repent if we commit this sin. to repent is to turn away from so if as a born again believer I should know the word of God…. If I decide I want to be married again I have to consider God’s word before I take this step… many do not do this they feel this will make them happy and they have a right to be happy so don’t use the word to guide them and marry without considering if God says divorce is wrong then what does he say about remarriage… will it cause me to live in adultery. We have neglected to keep God’s word as primary in our daily walk and this has led by what feels good rather than living to please God… if what I am doing does not agree with the word of God I am wrong
Hi Gillian (if I may), welcome to TG and thank you for your comment. I am with you on the “no easy divorce” and “separated believing couples should seek to reconcile”, both of which run contra to the secular model of easy divorce and a fight in court for possession of children and assets. The Apostle Paul’s underlying motive for all Christian behaviour is to bring glory to God (1 Cor 10:31) and secular divorce does neither.
I have not posted anything yet on what happens to divorced believers because I am still reading about it. I agree that if what I do is not in agreement with the word of God I am wrong. I want to think about how all the texts on marriage fit together before making any comment.
With respect to secular culture, one of the aspects of secular life which makes the command not to remarry so difficult is the atomisation of community. If the law of God means “you cannot remarry so you are condemned to live in lonely isolation in your own house without any companionship” which is the cultural context in which secularised Christians hear the command it is harsh and people ask “Is God good or cruel?” But if the law of God means “you cannot remarry but the church is your family and you can live in some kind of extended community with your brothers and sisters in Christ” then the church still has lots of work to do to overcome secularisation.
hi there
I am very upset and confused…I have been living with my boyfriend and he is a divorced man…and I know that we are commiting adultery.I would like to get married
and put the past behind us…my sinfull life and his,start a new life and concentrate completely on God,but now I am scared for his x-wife is still alive and now I know that we cannot remarry,It is way to much complicated,cause he made a mistake and is just human we both pray for forgiveness and now?Does that mean we must seperate or we will go to hell? Why is that? For we are repenting and just want to get things right…
It is very heart breaking to think that I will go to hell and that God wont tolerate or forgive us? No matter what we do as long as we together,even if remarried and then living life according to the word we will be doomed to hell?
If we had to stay together and not have any sex would that also mean we will be going to hell?
It is very difficult and to me complicated.
Kind regards
Chantelle
Hi Chantelle
Thank you for your post and your honesty. You’ve put yourself in a difficult situation by living with a divorced man and the guilt you feel is right and good because you know that something needs to change. I’m going to send you an email rather than reply in public.
Neil
Neil,
Will you email this reply to me? I am divorced and commited adultery. The marriages seem to be irretrievably broken, and even though we are both believers, do not feel led to reenter the marriages. We have repented of the sexual sin and the idolatry. We are not living together, nor having relations, nor feel that scripture allows remarriage,(although I desire that) but we do see him. We have a companionship, where we do recreational activities, have dinner, go to movies. At times, it feels legalistic. Do you view our relationship as sin? How is you answer backed by scripture?
I sent the above without “proofing”. Sorry if it is not clear.
Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. …Matthew 7:21. Why would Jesus tell someone not to remarry, then contradict himself by making it okay.
I find that your answers regarding divorce and remarriage are weak in relation to what Scripture actually says, and that you are cheapening grace, then blaming it on ‘legalistic’ Christians. I refer you to the book ‘Transforming Grace’ by Jerry Bridges. The ditches on each side of the roadbed of grace are “legalism” and “licentiousness”. You seemed to have gone from one ditch into the other one.
Consider the following: Luke 16:15-18 Jesus charges the Pharisees with idolatry. It give Jesus a base from which to demonstrate that his ministry is not a contravention of God’s will as this is expressed in the Scriptures. It also sets up the need for Jesus to elucidate in what way the Pharisees are idolatrous.
Jesus proclaims ‘the good news of the kingdom’ which will displace other world systems. This includes the rule of Wealth (v.13), where the wealthy are separated from those in need. Everyone is urged to enter into the new kingdom, and the Pharisees are opposed to it. For Luke, it’s not that ‘the law and prophets’ belong to an old, now by-gone era, but that the Scriptures of Israel must be understood in light of the manifestation of God’s purpose within the ministry of Jesus.
In verses 17-18 Jesus not only insists on the enduring validity of the law, but, with respect to the one example of divorce and adultery, he offers a very vigorous interpretation. Jesus places a man and woman on the same level with regard to adultery, and censures the practice wherby a husband divorces his wife in order to marry another. Especially in prohibiting remarriage and ruling out serial monogamy, Jesus’ statement distinguishes itself from contemporary teaching by its severity. on this issue he offers a different interpretation that at once assumes the ongoing authority of the law (Deut. 24:1-4), makes the Mosaic regulations more stringent than they appear in Deuteronomy, and challenges the relaxation of the law among his contemporaries. What is striking about this example is Jesus’ affirmation of the authority of the law is qualified by his implicit insistence that the law does not speakfor itself and is susceptible to erroneous appropriation. The Scriptures are not set aside, but they must be interpreted appropriately, in relation to the inbreaking kingdom of God in Jesus’ ministry.
How does this relate to Jesus’ criticism of the Pharisees? The language of abomination (v.15) is key. In Israel’s Scriptures, the term ‘abomination’ can be used to denote, among other things, idolatrous activity in general, but also immoral financial dealings, and the act of remarrying a woman who has been divorced. Similarly, the Qumranic text, the Damascus Rule, observes that there are ‘three nets’ with which Israel is snared, with each parading as a kind of righteousness or justice: ‘The first is fornication, the second is riches, and the third is profanation of the Temple.’ In the ensuing discussion, ‘fornication’ is interpreted with reference to a lax interpretation of the Mosaic legislation on divorce (Deut. 24:1-4), while ‘profanation of the Temple’ is correlated with, among other things, false prophecy and lack of insight into and commitment toward God’s covenant. As in the Damascus Rule, so in Jesus’ invective, idolatry, weath, and divorce arecollocated as manifestations of pseudo-righteousness. Taken together, they are means by which the Pharisees have distanced themselves from the very law they thought to uphold. they seekto advocate and preserve the law’s relevance, but they are unable to do so because they lack insight into God’s design. ~ Joel Green, New International Commentary on the New Testament
I believe that you and others are wrong who insist on calling ‘legalistic’ those who do not adhere to the current culturally correct thinking that divorce and remarriage is okay. I believe that your thinking is one reason that the divorce rate in the church is around 50%. And that what you are doing by failing to understand Jesus’ stand on this issue, is to promote serial marriage, and to cheapen grace. Jesus clearly warns against remarriage in Luke 16:18, so why would he contradict himself. Perhaps, real GRACE is Jesus moving people towards a relationship where he is both LORD and Savior. Yet, the current cultural thinking is all about Jesus being sympathetic with one who is divorced. I find that what you promote is IDOLATRY.
Jesus had the best interest of people at heart,not their earthly desires. Perhaps what his idea of grace is in the situation of divorce, is for a person to devote themselves to Him. Yet, you take the view that a person’s desire for fulfillment in the temporal realm is more important that being filled with the desires that Christ puts in one’s heart. A married person, according to the Apostle Paul, is more interested in pleasing their spouse that they are in serving God. This becomes more accute in remarriages where people are trying to overcome their previous mistakes (or not), or their psychological dysfunction.
I find that your answers also support ‘serial marriage’ where if one doesn’t work out, a person just goes on to the next one. Oh yes, if they repent, after all, Jesus will forgive indefinitely. I believe that is an abomination and a total warping of Scripture, a cheapening of God’s grace.
Jesus did not die for us out of sympathy. He died for us out of obedience to God. He bore our sins out of identification, not sympathy. “He made Him to be sin for us…that we might be made the righteousness of God…” 2 Corinthians 5:21. We are acceptable to God, not because of our obedience, but because of Christ’s death. Jesus came as a stumbling block; John 15:22-24; John 14:9 was spoken to his disciples.
That Christ died for me, therefore I go scot-free, is never taught in theNew Testament. What is taught is that Jesus died for all, and that by identificatin with his death I can be freed from sin, and have His righteousness imparted to me. The substitution taught in the New Testament is twofold: “He made Him to be sin for us,who knew no sin;THAT WE MIGHT BE MADE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD IN HIM.” Christ only died for me in the sense that I am determined to have Jesus Christ formed in me. Christ did not die so that I could be free to continue my temporat dysfunction. I believe that you are misleading people by telling them that it is okay to remarry when the Scripture clearly indicates that it is not (in all situations but one), rather than encouraging them to find their life in Christ, with him as LORD. I am sure that you would not be as popular, but you may be closer to the truth. You apparently are succumbing to the world’s view.
In Christ,
Gary
Dear Gary, welcome to Transforming Grace and thank you for your long comment. Did you read all of my post or did you stop at the paragraph on the children coming to Christ? The reason I ask is your comment does not engage with all of what I wrote. Your accusations of serial marriage and not encouraging people to find Christ are inconsistent with my original post.
In Christ. Neil
Hi, I have been doing a lot of research and was wondering what you thought about my situation.
I have recently become engaged to a woman who was married and divorced prior to her conversion. She left him due to psychological problems that he failed to mention and she found out only after the marriage. The ceremony was performed by a Justice of the Peace, and only lasted about a year. Is she free to remarry? Her previous spouse has remarried. I have never been divorced before but understand that if she wasn’t free I would be committing adultery as well. Wondering about this seems very legalistic, but at the same time I know it is important to interpret the Scriptures carefully. While I don’t agree with positions such as John Piper, who asserts that marriage is an indissoluble union, I do believe that it SHOULD be. God’s plan from the beginning was much more than how it is today. I have found in my research only condemnation for people that “twist the Bible to say whatever they want” even though many are willing to say “Jesus said so” without looking at context and understanding why Jesus said what he did.
Thank you for your time. I look forward to your comments.
Hi Adam, when I posted on Jesus and remarriage I didn’t expect to be offering counsel on individual cases! I’ll email you a separate answer rather than conduct a discussion about private matters in public. Neil
I would say that the fact of your wife’s first marriage was a civil union (a marriage) as opposed to a service of Holy Matrimony is the key to your remarriage. There are those who are legally to qualified to marry (a civil union) & then there are those who are Biblically qualified to marry (which has a much higher standard than the state does). I think you will find that due to your wife’s ex-husband having psychological problems which she was not aware of prior to their marriage (assuming that they were present PRIOR to their marriage) would not qualify him for the high Biblical standards of marriage. I have been in this same situation myself & have done a lot of research about it. I know a divorce is still a divorce but it is important to look at the circumstances which led to the divorce & not be legalistic about it. My ex husband was very narcissistic & whilst legally qualified to marry according to the laws of the land (due to civil liberties most people would qualify as the requirements are not high). I have even researched a couple of cases where a psychiatrist tried to stop a mentally ill impatient marrying, but due to their civil liberties was unable to do so.
I have experienced many types of churches.
I also know that the bible says you can divorce if the other person committs adultery.
I am single and never been married, but if i did get married, would marry for life and if it didnt work out wouldnt marry again, this out of personal choice not out of any docterine.
Hi there,
I can udnerstand ministers not wanting to perform marriages of divorcees based on conscience, but what I do not feel is Scriptural is the view that the adultery that Jesus has in view is a perpetual, sexual adultery. In context, he is dealing with issues of the heart, not legalities, and he may simply be saying that covenant breaking amounts to adultery. He is saying that the two acts (concurrent, especially if one is divorcing in order to marry another) of divorce and marrying another (not having sex with them for 20+ years later) constitute breaking the law against adultery, because they are treachery.
I’ve asked God to give clarity on this because the logical consequences of holding that those remarried are living in perpetual adultery are going to be absurd in many cases, and will also lead to more sin if the doctrine is correct. Paul does not say that those remarried ought to divorce and I’m sure he would deal with this in such an important part of his letter.
Lets think about this for a second:
A man and woman marry, one having been divorced before. The divorcee was also married to a divorcee, who had been married a couple of times, also once to a divorcee. Assuming that if a person has been married once before and then divorces, if they ‘repent’ from their remarriage by divorcing again, if a single person had married that divorcee they would not really have been married to that person(because it is allegedly an adulterous affair with illegitimate children, perhaps).
This gets convoluted, but imagine you can’t trace your former divorcee spouse and you don’t know whether they were divorced wrongly or ‘rightly’ (as repentance divorce from an unlawful divorcee)…ought you now to divorce your current spouse because they might not be your lawful spouse (non adulterous)? What if, in fact, they ARE? Here you have a situation where, if Paul’s counsel to abide where you are is ignored, you could destroy a legitimate marriage (non adulterous) and cause that other person to commit adultery when and if they remarry (especially if you divorce an unbeliever as repentance)…see how this gets impossibly absurd?
What if you cannot trace a former spouse and they may have died, but you don’t know and have no way of knowing? Ought you to divorce your current spouse and leave your children, just in case your former spouse is still alive? Even if it is 30 or more years later? What if the former spouse HAS died unbeknownst to you, and you destroy a marriage which could have been validated by a renewal of vows following repentance, according to the perpetual adultery theory?
I’m troubled by these things, and the seeming willingness of some to discard the clear prohibition of Deuteronomy 24 of returning to a former spouse, as though that relationship were still intact in actuality. Some even try to assert that Jesus disowned Deuteronomy 24:1-4 as God’s word, claiming that Moses ‘made it up’ to appease those who were sinning, without the express approval of God. However, Moses would have no right to call such an act an ‘abomination’ without authority from God, and Jesus was certainly not calling this part of the law wrong.
Any thoughts?
Hi I am a Christian man, I have been a committed christian all my life, however my marriage fell apart. I did not honour my wife, and being tempted, someone gave me oral sex, I did not have sexual intercourse. I confessed to my wife, and despite repenting and begging her forgiveness, she divorced me. I tried for 6 years to see the marriage restored, especially as we had a young son together. I was in ministry at the time, the whole experience totally destoryed me. I have picked myself up now, and have re-married and have 3 other children.
1) I suppose I am the guilty party, even though I sincerely sought reconciliation and I wasn’t the one to divorce her, right?
2) The fact that I am now remarried does that mean that I am living in continuious sin and are an adulterer for eternity and going to hell?
Hi John
Welcome to TG. I don’t think I can possibly comment on your relationship, especially in public. The fact that yo are asking me at all suggests that you have not fully bottomed the theology of this. I preached on Jesus’ teaching in the sermon on the mount recently and will email you a copy. I hope it helps.
God bless
Neil
Hello Neilrobbie, can you send me that sermon you are sending John? I am in a similar situation
Thanks
Kevin
Hi
I am researching this topic as well and it goes back and forths as there is so many opinions. I would like for you to email me if you could and hopefully help me answer this. I had a child with someone when I turned 18, I was not married to the babies dad. I then met a man who was 10 yrs older than me and we married and had 2 boys. he adopted my daughter legally. We both committed sin, we also committed adultery. We was together for about 13 years. I told him I wanted a divorce. I have went to divorce attorneys and havent officially got a divorce because of the high costs. I found out that he was also sexually abusing my daughter over several years. Anyhow I want to divorce there is no reconciliation. I have been seperated for over 2 years. We are not legally divorced but he has moved on and has been dating someone as well as myself. I know that we are commiting adultery by not being legally divorced and seing other people. I want a divorce and have found someone that i love and care about. I would like to divorce my husband, repent and turn my life around and remarry. From what I have read I am heartbroken as if I can or not since I want to turn my life around? I am afraid that if I remarry that I am hellbound and doomed forever. any advice on divorcing, since we both was guilty, repenting and remarrying? Some places I have read that it can be forgiven, some places states that if i remarry that I will forever be commiting adultry and go to hell unless I divorce the 2nd person if I marry him and live single for the rest of my life. I am really confused and and heartbroken and need advice if this is possible and can be forgiven if remarried and all sins wiped clean if I repent and turn my life around or even if i do repent and remarry that I am still damned to hell because I remarried regardless of repenting and turning my life around and devoting myself to my new love and Jesus? Please advise
thanks
Shawna
Shawna, please email me so we can talk. Our stories are similar but there is something missing from your story that needs to be clarified. Jessiperez10 at gmail. Com is my email. I didn’t want my email blocked so I didn’t put it in proper format. Sorry. I really would like to help you find true repentance, peace, and joy in your life by sharing my own personal journey with you.God bless you Shawna, I hope to hear from you soon. – Jessica
Nice comments,<<<<<<<< I believe The bible is accurate, the bible even teaches us to bless our enemies. God is Love from the beginning of the Bible to the End of the Bible………………. So because of that I believe”"”"Love is possible even in the worst relationship”. We need a break sometimes to think straight, Calm down, Do not get lost in what the society has to offer……….. which is pure Lust! All man are created equal. I forgive my husband right now…..(Wow this man did me so wrong< but Christ died for me, what is more)….. he has been pleading and begging me to come back. I will go back…….. I am sure there are many here with similar situation. if your partner is willing::::::::: Forgive him/her like christ forgive us and let go, Stop looking for the answers that are not there. The bad heart or the harden heart is enough stop one from entering the Kingdom of God. The world will pass, but nothing in the Word will go without coming to accomplishment. The word of God is powerful>> do it for christ>>>>Forgive her! Work with her to make things better! Be patient! Pray! I believe God answer! God will touch her heart! She will become a woman of God.>>>>>>>>>>>Forgive him! Work with HIm to make things better! Be patient! Pray! I believe God answer! God will change touch his heart! He will become a Man of God………..Many perish because the lack of knowledge……..Even if she/he has wronged you ( Apologize and see God hands in your house…turn that left chick….. u apologise and faith will pull you through.)……….. For the remarry & fully divorcee presently! Hell is not a joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pray hard and let God guide your footstep…….. be faithful to God not man. No embelishment or patchment in the Kingdom of God. God is Holy, meaning “nothing unholy will enter or inherit the kingdom of God, Tiny or Big. Love you all………….May God almighty minister to everyone heart, God give all the heart to forgive, also to let Go the deeper pain, Help them to love you more and cling the cross………..In Jesus name I pray Amen…….
All be Bless