Bible by the Beach- Kent and Barbara Hughes on Marriage

There are my notes from the seminars on marriage, “Built to last”, given by Kent and Barbara Hughes at Bible by the Beach. As with yesterday’s post these notes are not verbatim, they are a collection of headings, snippets and nuggets of good stuff, and reflect what was said, as I understood it.

BBTB Marriage

Marriage as worship (day 1)

Marriage is for intimacy
Preceded by eternal intimacy of the Godhead – John
Human intimacy follows and is generated by this divine intimacy
Gen 2:21 Eve formed from Adam the beginning of this intimacy at the deepest level, bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. They become one flesh, deepest intimacy. This shadows Trinitarian intimacy. Adam and Eve were naked and so wonderfully intimate; no sin, no secrets, no anger, no jealousy, no shame, no guilt.

Ephesians 5 (Barbara)
Marriage is a picture of Christ and his church.
This is a high calling.
Barbara’s dad problem drinker and her mum still respected him and allowed Barbara to love her dad. [I must love Amanda sacrificially so the kids know it and see Christ in me.]

Amanda is my long lost sister, soul mate, flesh, mother of my kids (Eve).

Walk closely to Christ as Saviour as this produces the deepest intimacy in marriage and this kind of marriage glorifies God and draws people to Christ.

William and Kate Romans 12 ‘in view of God’s mercy live your lives as acts of worship by being living sacrifices.

Barbara 1 John 4
Our duty before God is to love one another and the only way to love like this is to truly know the love of God in Christ. To make love an act of the will and to chose to love in spite of sin and make sacrifices in love.

Mason – the mystery of marriage

I love and worship God by wanting and doing what is best for Amanda’s emotional, spiritual, physical and social needs. She loves and worships God by wanting God to smile on me and say ‘well done good and faithful servant’

Marriage as celebration (day 2)

In what way can we talk about celebration in marriage?
Belonging to one another, possessive.
Love is the willingness to be owned.
Longing of the human race is know and to be known.
One flesh in part means the eventual taking on of each others characteristics, similar mannerisms or turn of phrase.
Sex reclaimed by puritans as a good thing in marriage.
Today’s culture is body-exercise-crazed and sexualised, so that body of an athlete with model looks are the goal and aim of many.
But due benevolences are to be celebrated.
Romance is to be celebrated in words, spoken and written, flowers, gifts, date. Why date when we are together all the time? Walks, cinema, dinner etc.

Masculine love is different to marriage love. As David loved Jonathan, men have great love for one another, a band of brothers companionship, but it is qualitatively different to the love of marriage. Celebrate this.

It’s a great thing to live with a walking prescription, a wife who takes the mick, makes me laugh at myself and not take myself too seriously. I am a better, stronger, more patient man for being married..

Celebrate oneness, intimacy, friendship, laughter, sex, romance, family, traditions, sanctification.

I know the plans I have for you. There is no evil in God’s plans for you, neither in conception, preparation nor execution. The difficulties, pains and sorrows of life God knows the plans he has for us which bring hope and shalom.

Marriage as a sanctifying institution (day 3)

In the relationships of the Trinity, God as Father, Son and Holy Spirit are always dynamically moving toward each other and in marriage, with the power of the Holy Spirit, we move toward each other.

Pressures of ministry means we can easily be distracted but when we are with our families we need to be there for them.

Success orientated behaviour led to stress at the family dinner table. Our value is not established in what we do but who we are as defined by our relationships, first in God (as creator and crucified Saviour) and then in marriage.

Marriage is a mutually sanctifying relationship. Marriage exposes and rips the door off rooms of selfishness and when you clean up that room you find more doors to more rooms of selfishness and so on ad infinitum. And so selfishness, pride, deceit, lack of love and so on are constantly exposed and need to be sanctified.

Pastor and congregation relationship. What advice can you give the pastor and the congregation?

Pastorate is 24/7 but we need a day off and to make family time family time to be there in body, mind and spirit.

Advice on family devotional patterns at different life stages.

Try hard, you won’t get it right or be consistent. Read a scripture, chat about it, pray, don’t make it heavy, use the seasons, Jesse tree and resurrection eggs. Involve God in family time.

Physical and verbal abuse
Bear it like Christ entrusting ourselves to him who judges justly.

Emotional neglect by husband leading wife to despise him.
Husband needs to be rebuked sharply.
Wives cannot despise husband but love him and look to Christ who endured all things for our sins, we are no better, but are all to remember “I am the chief of sinners.”

Do you need a sense of humour in marriage.
Yes. I am not funny but I love humour. You need to be able to step back, get perspective and laugh.

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