You can’t have a relationship without some form of confrontation…Whose agenda drives our confrontation? Asking people to do things to please me or to glorify God? Four steps to bringing change when people present themselves to you with issues:
1. Consideration. Suggest to counselees that they keep a journal asking five questions:
a) What was going on?
b) What were you thinking and feeling as it was happening?
c) What did you do in response?
d) Why did you do it? What were you seeking to accomplish?
e) What was the result?
Once they have kept a diary for a week. Ask them to give the diary to you. Use a highlighter to reveal heart attitudes and then give it back to them after another week. As they read it their heart becomes visible.
Take the wrong attitude to the Lord. This is the “putting off the old self”
Putting on is the next step and this involves a commitment to change. New habits,changes to attitude. Practice makes patterns.
sanctification is a slow process, don’t assume change will take place just because of confession and commitment. The confrontation process must not be stopped prematurely.
Biblical goals and biblical methods must shape confrontation. Speak the truth [content] in love [method]. [p232] Always begin with interaction. Those who don’t want to interact still need to hear the truth spoken in love, some form of loving rebuke.